a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
