i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
