ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
