i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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