so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
