1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
