I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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