Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
