They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
