Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
