so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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