your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize