another moral hangover. fuck.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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