What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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