Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
