alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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