I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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