Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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