I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize