for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
