apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
