i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
