i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
