i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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