I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He did a backflip because drugs
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
