I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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