i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
