I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
