how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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