wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
