Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
