dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
