he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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