and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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