the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize