I wish I could teleport
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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