Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
