Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
