somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
