I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
