i just wanna soil my oats bro
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
