Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found your dick twin last night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
