My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
