i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
now i know why i became what i already was.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
