dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
