u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
