I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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