My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
