the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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