Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
