im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
