Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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