my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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