Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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