how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm like, not good at living.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
