I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
