Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
