just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
