I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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