How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
