I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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