i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Come see our sink grown plant.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
