I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
