it hurts more in the daytime
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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